WARNING: SPOILERS AHEAD!!
Geek: Hey, Monkey!
Monkey: Hey, Geek!
Geek: I just came back from the theatres and saw a new movie — Overlord!
Monkey: AKA, Call of Duty Wolfenstein: The Movie.
Geek: You want me to tell you about it?
Monkey: Not really, but I doubt that will stop y …
Geek: Okay! So it’s set during World War II and there’s this soldier named Boyce in a plane with other soldiers not named Boyce.
Geek: They all make fun of him because he doesn’t want to hurt anything and yet there’s going to probably be a lot of fighting, but he doesn’t like to fight. So yeah, these guys are going over German territory, where lots of fighting is happening, to parachute in and destroy a radio tower so D-Day can commence.
Monkey: And this is exciting? You’re not even playing this mission as a video game! We all know the soldiers have to destroy it for D-Day to happen. So, movie’s over.
Geek: Uh, true? But then their plane gets shot down and Boyce parachutes to the ground in a super-cool one-take shot that is obviously CGI and green-screened, but it doesn’t matter. It’s very cool!
Monkey: Making video game cutscenes into live-action is absolutely bananas!
Geek: Absolutely bananas? Is that a catch phrase because you’re a monkey? C’mon, be a little original!
Monkey: So what happens next? I’m soooo dying to hear.
Geek: Right, so Boyce gets to the ground and finds all of his pals including the mysterious Grouchy Guy.
Monkey: (mutters under breath) Absolutely bananas.
Geek: Really? Still doing this? Whatever. So Boyce and crew find this French woman named Chloe running through the woods.
Monkey: French women named Chloe are ABSOLUTELY bananas.
Geek: Okaaaay. That feels disrespectful. Somehow. But I’ll just continue. So she tries to run from them and well … yeah. She likes to run. She’ll do that for most of the movie. She runs away from Boyce and crew, she runs away from German soldiers, she’ll run away from German soldiers again as a trap, she’ll run away from mutant experiments. She runs … like a lot.
Monkey: Mutant experiments? Why didn’t you lead with that?
Geek: Yeah, mutant experiments. The German soldiers are working on making “thousand year soldiers for a thousand year war.”
Monkey: They expect this war to last a thousand years?
Geek: I don’t know.
Monkey: And after those thousand years, then what? Their soldiers have an expiration date? They’re just not shelf stable and drop?
Geek: I don’t know. Maybe.
Monkey: Doesn’t sound like a very good plan. What happens if they win before a thousand years? Those experiments are just going to walk around all bored and stuff. Gee, what else happens? This movie must be very exciting with super soldiers and tons of action!
Geek: So, yeah … Chloe sneaks the soldiers into her house and they stay there … for an hour and a half.
Monkey: But it’s a two-hour movie.
Geek: Yup. So when sneaking into the house, an old lady hears Chloe walking around outside. Super intense. But then the soldiers later kidnap a Creepy German Captain and argue as loud as they want and still aren’t heard by any of the soldiers right outside.
Monkey: So the buildings are paper-thin with an incredible amount of record studio sound-proofing. Okaaaay?! Let’s skip to the end. What happens then?
Geek: So Boyce, Chloe and Grouchy Guy all sneak into the German’s lab underneath the radio tower. They separate …
Monkey: And look for clues.
Geek: Well, kinda. Boyce and Grouchy Guy want to destroy the radio tower, while Chloe searches for her brother that was taken by the Creepy German Captain. But then she fights some soldiers and one tricks her into opening a cell that growls.
Monkey: Growling cells are super creepy.
Geek: Super creepy. So Chloe and the soldier fight, the soldier is dragged inside by the unseen growling cell, and the door is wide open.
Monkey: She should probably close that. Growling cells are super creepy and probably dangerous.
Geek: Yup. So she’s going to walk away and ignore it completely. Then she’ll get chased by a mutant supersoldier!
Monkey: Ah, more cardio. This Chloe chick does love to run.
Geek: She absolutely loves to run. I guess cardio is huge in German-occupied towns. So then, Grouchy Guy is stopped by Creepy German Captain who has taken the supersoldier serum.
Monkey: Boss battle! Grouchy Guy versus Supersoldier Creepy German Captain. Fight!
Geek: While all of this is happening, Boyce gets in a different fight with German Scientist Smiles-A-Lot and ends up killing him.
Monkey: But he doesn’t hurt anything.
Geek: Well, yeah. But now he does.
Monkey: So the moral of the story is if you’re a pacifist, just don’t. You should probably become a war machine instead?
Geek: Kinda seems like it. Then Supersoldier Creepy German Captain falls in a tar pit that the serum is derived from and comes back as an even bigger supersoldier.
Monkey: German Albert Wesker is going to be impossible to defeat.
Geek: Yeah … not at all. Positively negatory. Grouchy Guy takes Supersoldier Creepy German Captain and a bunch of other supersoldiers out by himself with one charge as Boyce escapes the compound.
Monkey: So Boyce didn’t do anything to solve the main objective?
Geek: Well, he does set some timers.
Monkey: Then his only character development is becoming William “B.J.” Blazkowicz on “Can I Play, Daddy?” difficulty level? At least tell me zombie supersoldiers chase him as he escapes the compound.
Geek: Nope. He just runs out of the building as it falls down around him. The radio tower’s destroyed and D-Day happens. That’s it.
Monkey: Absolutely bananas.
Geek: So what do you think? What would you rate this?
+ Fantastic Cinematography (Especially the first act)
+ Superb Acting
+ Excellent Direction
- Lags in the Middle
+ Finally a Wolfenstein Movie!
+ Julius Avery’s Direction
+ Strong Dramatic Tension Throughout
- Not a Cloverfield Film
- No Zombies!!!